Dark Olympian Myths: I'm Not Afraid
by Sadie Breezy
Summary: It's like you're pouring salt on my cuts :: Humans were born to sin :: I'm not afraid to die, I deserve it.


**|I'm not afraid|**

Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Not intended to offend anyone.

Warnings: Blood, self-harm, suicide, judgment against 'god'. If you don't like it, don't read. Not all of us believe in god like you do.

Setting: *shrugs* I don't know... alternate universe... no gods, obviously.

A/N: Haven't updated in a while... I've been somewhere... they don't have good wi-fi here *shrugs*. Enjoy this... Or don't. I really don't care. My therapist told me to write what I felt, so here it is. Oh, and NO, I haven't murdered anyone... yet.

_"You must be a miracle worker, swearing up and down you can fix what's been broken." —Demi Lovato._

**...**

Shaky hands hold the razor in a tight grasp and lift it up, the sharp blade shines in the light.

A smile is dancing on those almost white lips.

The once warm eyes hold a dark gleam within them. A pink tongue sticks out and licks the dry and pale lips...

Trembling hands move at their own accord, sliding the razor's blade across the already bloody wrist ever so slowly, enjoying the sound of the blade sliding against the thin skin.

**More blood.**

It ran down his wrist and to the palm of his hand, outlining his life line. How ironic that it would be outlining it now, of all times.

As he closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip, enjoying the pain... he remembers.

They always said that things would get better.

_"No matter what you are going through, it'll get better, I promise"_, they said.

They always said to never give up.

_"Never give up, it'll be the worst mistake you'll ever make. Your wish for a better life will come true... just, never give up"_, they said.

They always told you to never stop having faith in god.

_"God is almighty. He always listens, he always helps. He's always with you and will always protect you. Never stop having faith in our savior",_ they said.

All of them lied. Life didn't get better, 'god' never helped the one who is now cutting and attempting to end his life.

'God' wasn't real. If he was, where was he when he needed him the most? When he was almost beat to death by his disgusting step-father?

When every night, his mother left for work and left him alone with the repulsive man... when every night he was abused... when he screamed and cried out for help, only to be silenced by a punch to his jaw and when he felt the fire of hatred flicker in his stomach, and when he took that kitchen knife that one lonely night and stabbed it through the man's heart and twisted it around... subconsciously.

Where was god when he, a mere sixteen year old boy threw his step- father's body in the ocean for the sharks to feast on and laughed when he saw the blood spread in the salty blue ocean water?

Where was god when he cried at night and was tormented by the devil, trying to claim his soul...?

Where was 'god' during all of this? If he loves everyone, why didn't 'god' help him? Why didn't god stop him from committing the greatest sin that one can commit?

Now, he's about to commit another one... Humans were born to sin.

**Tears**.

They run down his face. He can't handle life anymore. It's too much... he's weak. He's given up any kind of hope. He stopped believing in god years ago... praying was a waste of time and breath.

The tears fall on his wounds. It burns, the salt in the tears but he keeps going.

_'Like you're pouring salt in my cuts.'_

He doesn't care, though. He stopped caring a long time ago. More and more tears escape his eyes, but he doesn't utter a sound, not even once. He wants to release a whimper of pain, but he bites his bottom lip – so hard that he draws blood; he enjoys the taste on his tongue – and he holds it in, he takes it like a man.

He slides the sharp metal against his wrist one last time, before it falls to the ground and his arms fall to his sides numbly. His wrist stings.

He's standing in front of the broken mirror.

**Pathetic**.

His inky black hair is a mess from being pulled on in anger and frustration. His face is pale, like a ghost's. His eyes are red from crying... His whole body is shaking and covered in black and purple bruises.

He lifts up his hand to wipe away the tears. He ends up smudging blood on his hollow cheeks – he hasn't eaten in days.

He liked the smell. It always comforted him... knowing that the physical pain took his attention away from the pain that was eating him in the inside... emotional.

The burgundy blood was so beautiful... such an unique shade of deep red... so, so _beautiful_.

He sniffed and turned on the cold water.

He stared at it. Just... stared as he struggled for oxygen.

Should he clean up? Should he...

He shook his head.

No, it wasn't enough water. It was just a silly idea.

_'You can't fix what's been broken.'_

He was broken in the inside... he knew it, but no one else did. He was okay with that; he didn't want pity.

The blood from his wrist ran down to his finger tips before it splattered to the tiled ground.

Ruby red blood against the white tiles. The color of sin contrasting against the color of innocence.

He looked back up to his reflection, then to the blood covered razor on the floor, next to his foot.

"I'm not afraid," he whispered as another tear escaped his eye... then ran down his face and to the floor, joining the blood on the clear tiles.

He bent down to pick it up and placed it on top of his most noticeable vein... and slid the razor across it with force.

It hurt so much, he almost removed the blade from the vein, but an encouraging voice whispered his own words in the back of his head... _'I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid',_ the voice chanted with a hint of challenge in its voice.

"Not... afraid..." He muttered, before he fell to his knees, clutching his wrist.

_'You can bandage the damage, but you can never fix a heart.'_

His breathing became shallow, beads of sweat covered his forehead, and he closed his eyes oh-so slowly as he felt the water from the overflowing sink gather around his body.

**|I'm not afraid to die, I deserve it.|**


End file.
